your eye a heap, not to mention your head

when an old boyfriend appears in your dreams, in some strange house; and then your sister turns up, telling you that she's just so, so angry, what is one to make of that? am i simply bored? lost in the dreary and all-enveloping grayness that is currently covering our part of the world? the rains continue relentlessly, and yet they don't seem to really wash anything. i have no sense of clean or new, or any kind of refreshment. is this the strange house that is my lot these days?

gosh, oh golly!! i must be alzheimering. after such a fun time i had last night, singing with the jazz trio, and really enjoying the music. you see how quickly i forget. perhaps the rains are indeed washing away things. i'm becoming like those horrid little children that i am occasionally forced to spend time with in the classrooms of this city - the ones that must be constantly entertained and/or amused every single minute. catered to in any manner possible, and god forbid they should ever move their own three-lettered anatomy and make things better themselves.

hey! that must be the angry sister speaking up.

it's a dull saturday night when a person has to attend to their own psyche for amusement, playing all the parts. but i do seem to be doing a good job, and yes, i do want to talk about it.

i promise myself that tomorrow i will do some more music. it hath charms. but also, as i told myself just the other day, i owe it to myself for all the meals i cook with love, and all those hours with the ingrates at the schools. i am paying the bills, after all, and so i figure i'm indebted to that long-suffering person, - me - who is saddled with the job of keeping this body alive and housed. i owe me big time to get out there and do something interesting with all my talents. using that word in the biblical sense, of course, but also in our modern usage, just a little. don't want to be falsely and overly uriah heepish. i owe it to my girlish self to have fun.

but tonight...i'm just goofin' around and goin' nowheres fast.