However I'm happy when I sing, so the gig last Wednesday was a good respite, (I'll upload pictures later), and I look forward to these ones coming up:
Friday, Aug. 9, 2013 6:30pm to sunset
Music by the Gull (Minden, Ont.)
Saturday, Aug. 31, 2013 8pm
The Minden Legion, Hwy 35with the Dance Band
Meanwhile, about a month ago I wrote this piece, called "LIVE THE DREAM". Courage to those who will.
Ever wonder what you would have been if you'd lived another life, or if the events or circumstances, or people in your life had been different?
I was walking through an upper-middle class neighbourhood in Toronto the other night, on my way to an old-fashioned neighbourhood movie theatre. I looked at the stucco and flagstone-faced homes - exteriors added on to the original brick buildings. The lawns were shrubs and flowering bushes rather than grass; the entrances were all distinctively modified and diverse. As I passed by with my straggly hair and black t-shirt and tights, my keys and Fox 40 whistle jangled on the lariat around my neck. It was stamped with the logo of the music organization I belong to, and was my only "jewelry".
I walked along the street, and the early summer evening reminded me of times I'd spent in the city before I knew anyone, or anything; before I made any choices. It made me nostalgic for the awakenings and newness of leaving home.
I looked at the neat, comfortable houses that spoke of achievement and confidence; of worlds foreign to me, and I tried to envision myself as mistress in one of those homes. I would be married, no doubt - a state I had always studiously avoided - married to a lawyer, perhaps, with three or four lovely children, and a housekeeper. I'd have a very good executive job with a very profitable company. We'd have lots of good friends in high places, and we'd entertain below the chandelier and up at the cottage (in the family for years). I would smile with pleasure and fatigue each night as we curled up with each other and dropped off to sleep.
"Don't forget that political meeting tomorrow night, darling. It's an early start."
Then one night I'd dream a crazy scenario of myself singing onstage with a group of fun-loving musicians. I'd see me wearing a sparkly stage outfit, my hair long and straight like it was before the kids, and I'd experience this amazing rush of excitement and emotion and power that seems so real that it wakes me up. I'd lie there looking through the curtain sheers at the full moon, and have a sense of sadness, almost, that the joy I'd felt had simply evaporated.
I'd watch the moon glide in the sky and wonder, thinking what would my life have been if I had gone a completely different route? What would I be like?
Eventually, I'd get drowsy, and just before falling asleep again, I'd remember my hair appointment the next afternoon.