AH GETS WEARY

Yesterday I had a Shiatsu treatment, which consisted of pressure applied to points on my body, plus some acupuncture needles. It took a while, but I finally began to respond, relax, and feel the waves in my brain change. I also always experience "sight" of a spot of deep purple, even though my eyes are closed, and this is the result that signifies a return to a balanced state. In my mind, and also in my body, I believe.

          The bad part is having to suffer the return trip home amidst the smelly and noisy environment and people, but I got there eventually, where my only thought was to sit awhile in the afternoon sun and warmth and try to recall that peace that I had felt. The only spot I could find was in my front garden, where it's never occurred to me to sit before, because there is a deck in my front of the house. But the deck was in shade, so I dragged a chair to the place where the big oak trees did not cast their shadows and I sat with my book.

          One of my neighbours came by and said she wished she had a camera because it made a pretty picture. So I got my camera and had her take the shot so I could see what she saw, and I have to agree: it does look a little idyllic, myself there amongst the echinachea  and the Queen Anne’s lace and the other summer foliage. It belies my real state of mind.

          I had spent the day very depressed about the events that are occurring in the United States of Insanity. The rise of the right, and the hate-filled white supremacists who have now killed an innocent person who was protesting their vile creeds. I was saddened and depressed, and that increased with all the news reports that say these ignorant groups are on the rise, and with them, the likelihood of more violence.

          I try to calm myself; to focus not only on the intelligent and caring people, but also on the things in the world that are good. Otherwise, I begin to react to the anger and hate that these people incite and I do no one, including myself, any good.

          It's harder when I then see the president of that very divided country open his mouth and give vent to the attitudes that are really his; when he does not read a script that has been written for him. When his own mind becomes apparent, revealing his shocking lack of humanity and ability to lead.

          It got worse when a friend phoned and we began arguing about the issue in Charlottesville, in the U.S., and the reaction of the person named Trump. How we argue is interesting, if it wasn't so upsetting.  What my friend does is difficult to capture, because he's intelligent and quick and has a lot of facts in his head, which even if they're right, and they are not always, they are delivered in a forceful manner, and not rational, to my mind.

What seems so obvious to me about the forces of the right gets lost in what he says, and although he does not agree with them, still, his comments seem to blame the other side, just for wanting things (like removing a statue that celebrates a person dedicated to maintaining slavery in the U.S. south), - he says that their actions cause the reaction that leads to the violence. This is a very spurious way of arguing, confusing the issue and ignoring the fact that the people on the right are hate-filled, intolerant, prejudiced, and simply wrong in their beliefs; and one of them murdered someone.

The argument has been diverted so that we've now lost sight of the original complaint, which was what the president had said in response to the event, claiming that there were two sides, both violent, and ignoring the facts that the supremacists and neo-nazis and immigrant-haters arrive in military outfits, with guns, purposely planning to stir up some violence. When I go back to that, and how he seems to be defending the president, he says that's because the media is always against him and criticizing him. He's defending him from the media. I have to say the media is just trying to report what the president says and does; they're not the cause of the problem; the man himself is. The conclusion does not make sense.  The media is not the bad guy, nor is Black Lives Matter.  The man in charge is, with his hate-filled diatribes during his political  campaigning. And now these horrifying groups think they have a legitimate basis for their garbage.

          It's very difficult, simply being aware of this crisis in our world, but it becomes worse when I hear my friend, whom I do care about, saying the things he does. He gets angry and defensive about his own beliefs, which, if I have got them wrong, then I have to say it's because of how he presents his thoughts and beliefs.  They come across as prejudices against people who are being wronged in the first place. He seems to make the speaking out against wrongs the reason for causing the conflict. Well, the speaking out may anger the corrupt or dishonest doers of injustices, but erroneous laws or practices are never righted by silence. Or silenced by the right, when 'right' has been appropriated to mean an assumption of power or superiority over others. The conflict that results grows directly out of the abuse.

          I go to bed, preparing for a night of no sleep, in response to the stress. I try to, once again, calm myself, try to reclaim some of the faith that I need to have in people, and a sense of wholeness and healing.

          I had gone out for a walk earlier to see the sunset, before the newscast and the subsequent argument, and had been so sad and drained of energy thinking about the way things are going in this world. I watched the beautiful orange ball go down, and returning home, all I could think was that I needed so desperately to be up on the land I used to own in the country. To hear the sounds of nature, to breathe some real air, to feel the earth and whatever it is that emanates from it and which I feel when I'm there. Magnetism? Energy? I don't know, but I felt something connecting to me from the earth there, and I don't feel it in the city. I don't feel it anywhere; there isn't a chance or a place to be alone with, or listen to, the universe. I've lost something. I sold the land to survive, like many people are forced to do with their souls, and that makes me want to weep.

          I hope the country that became one of the greatest in the world doesn't lose what it built up for so long, the hope that the country itself was built on. It's in danger of throwing it all away.