Yesterday I had a
Shiatsu treatment, which consisted of pressure applied to points on my body,
plus some acupuncture needles. It took a while, but I finally began to respond,
relax, and feel the waves in my brain change. I also always experience "sight"
of a spot of deep purple, even though my eyes are closed, and this is the
result that signifies a return to a balanced state. In my mind, and also in my
body, I believe.
The bad part is having to suffer the return
trip home amidst the smelly and noisy environment and people, but I got there
eventually, where my only thought was to sit awhile in the afternoon sun and
warmth and try to recall that peace that I had felt. The only spot I could find
was in my front garden, where it's never occurred to me to sit before, because
there is a deck in my front of the house. But the deck was in shade, so I
dragged a chair to the place where the big oak trees did not cast their shadows
and I sat with my book.
One of my neighbours came by and said
she wished she had a camera because it made a pretty picture. So I got my
camera and had her take the shot so I could see what she saw, and I have to
agree: it does look a little idyllic, myself there amongst the echinachea and the Queen Anne’s lace and the other summer
foliage. It belies my real state of mind.
I had spent the day very depressed
about the events that are occurring in the United States of Insanity. The rise
of the right, and the hate-filled white supremacists who have now killed an innocent
person who was protesting their vile creeds. I was saddened and depressed, and
that increased with all the news reports that say these ignorant groups are on
the rise, and with them, the likelihood of more violence.
I try to calm myself; to focus not
only on the intelligent and caring people, but also on the things in the world
that are good. Otherwise, I begin to react to the anger and hate that these
people incite and I do no one, including myself, any good.
It's harder when I then see the president
of that very divided country open his mouth and give vent to the attitudes that
are really his; when he does not read a script that has been written for him.
When his own mind becomes apparent, revealing his shocking lack of humanity and
ability to lead.
It got worse when a friend phoned and
we began arguing about the issue in Charlottesville, in the U.S., and the
reaction of the person named Trump. How we argue is interesting, if it wasn't
so upsetting. What my friend does is
difficult to capture, because he's intelligent and quick and has a lot of facts
in his head, which even if they're right, and they are not always, they are delivered
in a forceful manner, and not rational, to my mind.
What seems so
obvious to me about the forces of the right gets lost in what he says, and
although he does not agree with them, still, his comments seem to blame the
other side, just for wanting things (like removing a statue that celebrates a
person dedicated to maintaining slavery in the U.S. south), - he says that
their actions cause the reaction that leads to the violence. This is a very
spurious way of arguing, confusing the issue and ignoring the fact that the
people on the right are hate-filled, intolerant, prejudiced, and simply wrong
in their beliefs; and one of them murdered someone.
The argument has been diverted so that we've now lost sight of the
original complaint, which was what the president had said in response to the
event, claiming that there were two sides, both violent, and ignoring the facts
that the supremacists and neo-nazis and immigrant-haters arrive in military
outfits, with guns, purposely planning to stir up some violence. When I go back
to that, and how he seems to be defending the president, he says that's because
the media is always against him and criticizing him. He's defending him from
the media. I have to say the media is just trying to report what the president
says and does; they're not the cause of the problem; the man himself is. The
conclusion does not make sense. The
media is not the bad guy, nor is Black Lives Matter. The man in charge is, with his hate-filled
diatribes during his political
campaigning. And now these horrifying groups think they have a
legitimate basis for their garbage.
It's very difficult, simply being
aware of this crisis in our world, but it becomes worse when I hear my friend,
whom I do care about, saying the things he does. He gets angry and defensive
about his own beliefs, which, if I have got them wrong, then I have to say it's
because of how he presents his thoughts and beliefs. They come across as prejudices against people
who are being wronged in the first place. He seems to make the speaking out
against wrongs the reason for causing the conflict. Well, the speaking out may
anger the corrupt or dishonest doers of injustices, but erroneous laws or
practices are never righted by silence. Or silenced by the right, when 'right'
has been appropriated to mean an assumption of power or superiority over
others. The conflict that results grows directly out of the abuse.
I go to bed, preparing for a night of
no sleep, in response to the stress. I try to, once again, calm myself, try to
reclaim some of the faith that I need to have in people, and a sense of
wholeness and healing.
I had gone out for a walk earlier to
see the sunset, before the newscast and the subsequent argument, and had been
so sad and drained of energy thinking about the way things are going in this
world. I watched the beautiful orange ball go down, and returning home, all I
could think was that I needed so desperately to be up on the land I used to own
in the country. To hear the sounds of nature, to breathe some real air, to feel
the earth and whatever it is that emanates from it and which I feel when I'm
there. Magnetism? Energy? I don't know, but I felt something connecting to me
from the earth there, and I don't feel it in the city. I don't feel it
anywhere; there isn't a chance or a place to be alone with, or listen to, the
universe. I've lost something. I sold the land to survive, like many people are
forced to do with their souls, and that makes me want to weep.
I hope the country that became one of
the greatest in the world doesn't lose what it built up for so long, the hope
that the country itself was built on. It's in danger of throwing it all away.
