Tuesday, August 6, 2013

OUT STANDING IN MY FIELD

Can't help it.  I said I wouldn't make my personal life public, but it has to come out, otherwise it all turns sour within me.  So the poetry or the music pushes its way out of the birth canal, and I, as mother, have to express the nourishing milk - of human kindness - to myself? to anyone who hurts me? to the gods for making life thus?  Or just to anyone who will listen?

Early yesterday morning, the cold of the night met the warmth of the sun, and the resulting fog over the fields and in the trees made me think of "a grand soft day," which in turn made me think of someone I know, and that made me sad, and I had to just stand there, out in my field, and hope for grace, or love, or some spirit to infuse me enough to face the day, the 10th one of my grieving.
But at least I was out in the beautiful air of my northern Ontario town - one even farther north than Neil Young's, where all his changes were.  I'm going through some changes now.

I walked towards the woods and just kept going down the old logging road from many years ago.  The woods have a way of healing you, with their light and their green, their sweet sounds; and their silence.  Pretty soon I was humming "Davey Crockett" to myself, - since there are bears about.  It was a nice change from Guy Mitchell's "My heart cries for you", and all the other sad songs of love that flood out of my subconscious as soon as I awaken.

The day went on, as days do, and as they always will.  I'll get by - walking the woods, watching the waves, writing my words, and weaving my woe.  It doesn't lessen any pain, but it makes me feel part of a wider, ongoing picture of life, and I have to feel like I'm part of something larger than myself, just as I have to remind myself of the much worse sadnesses and horrors that are experienced by many in this world.

We all need to heal.

Friday, Aug. 9, 2013  6:30pm to sunset
Music by the Gull (Minden, Ont.)
Saturday, Aug. 31, 2013  8pm
The Minden Legion, Hwy 35
with the Dance Band
p.s. pictures from the Nice Bistro gig July 31:
Danny McErlain on piano; Zoe on vocals

Une rue en France; Zoe avec la bicyclette

A pensive moment


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